The Battle of the Mindset
I learned an interesting formula that helps me make a mindset readjustment, which Linda Larsen calls "The Success Formula".
It goes like this:
Your Thoughts directly mold your Feelings.
Your Feelings lead to your Actions.
Your Actions create your Results - good or bad, successful or miserable.
Thoughts -> Feelings -> Actions -> Results
In other words, if you are feeling conquered, it is because you are thinking negative thoughts.
Being empowered doesn't just come from an easy life being handed to you on a silver platter (despite what some may think). It comes from thinking and believing you are the creator of your destiny, having a positive outlook, giving people the benefit of the doubt and believing that things will be OK in the end. Positive beliefs lead to positive actions and negative beliefs lead to feelings of stress and overwhelm and ineffective behaviors.
Let me give you a few examples:
One bride was anxious - determined that her parents were going to ruin her wedding (because they had controlled other events in her life). She kept watching for ways that they were creating roadblocks - like when they insisted on 50 extra guests or the location for the reception. This bride was afraid to make waves and convinced herself that there was nothing she could do to influence the end results. She didn't even try, and then she was disappointed with her wedding reception. It wasn't what she had wanted at all.
If only we had spoken before the wedding...
Another bride called me with similar fears - her parents insisted on many "traditional" details including the wedding dress and reception. She and her fiance couldn't even agree on how to plan the day, much less come up with a negotiating strategies with their parents.
After shifting her perspective to a more hopeful and positive one, the bride began to take steps that brought her the results she wanted. She began to have important converstaions with her parents and finacee. Her mom agreed that she was trying to relive her own wedding through her daughter - she had been told what to do by her mom 30 years earlier and she was repeating the same pattern with her daughter!
Bride and Mom had a good talk, shared a few laughs, shed a few tears, and ultimately the bride and groom were able to negotiate for the wedding they really wanted. With happy hearts they made a few compromises to please their parents and things turned out great.
The second bride started off feeling anxious and conquered and ended up feeling empowered and much more confident - not just as a bride, but as a wife and a mature, adult daughter. Her relationship changed permanently with her parents, as it should once a woman goes out on her own!
So look at the results you are getting and decide if you want to change your thoughts, your actions, or both and the side effect will be that you will FEEL so much better!
A positive perspective is the greatest tool to achieve a happy and successful wedding.